13 September 2006
When I awake every morning I do so with a strong belief that this day is going to be a good day and that I will accomplish the given tasks for the day before I once again fall asleep. I am an optimist. I believe in the innate goodness of people but I am pragmatic enough to protect myself from those who would seek to own something which isn’t theirs. I believe in the fair world concept which postulates that there is fairness inherent in everyday life and if one day something doesn’t go my way it will all even out over the next week, month, or year. I believe in love and the simple act of holding hands. I love the smell of fire coming from a fireplace but I hate the fact that it is getting colder when I smell that smell. I believe in hard work being its own reward, but I also hope that the company for which I am doing those hard labours notices my work. I actually believe in government, although the underpinnings of this belief system is being shaken to its core. I believe that we make the life we want and if we are unhappy we should be able to remake it – somehow. I believe that the greatest gift I will leave behind me is Julian and Isabel. I remember how I never wanted children but the moment they were each placed in my arms I realized that I was so very wrong. I love the ocean and the smell one smells when one is near it. I have never liked mountains because they just got in the way of getting to the sea. I have come to love running simply because when I am done with my run my body feels so alive despite the aches and pains two hours later. I love computers. To me computers are so simple and easy. There is not a thing about them which I do not understand. Unfortunately for me I grow easily frustrated when dealing with people who don’t understand computers and I need to work on that. Most people don’t realize that I never took a single computer class in my life but I have taught them. Computers have been the boat on which I have perched myself for the past 25 years, taking me around the world and back again. I love the work I did in Macedonia where I played a role in making it the first all wireless country in the world. I played a small role in changing an entire country. There were several times during the past two years when I cried just because I was overwhelmed by the good we were able to bring to this small landlocked country. I love traveling but I hate exploring. I love just sitting on a park bench in a new city and simply watching the people – I can do it for hours. I hate getting lost more than anything in the world. I have been to 90 countries but sometimes I can get lost in my own backyard. There are so many things which make me who I am. I believe myself to be a good person but I would never say those words aloud. The other day someone told me that I was very good at what I do – one of the best – but I am just too humble to believe that I am anything more than a simple person who learned to use computers. Sometimes I grow depressed and get to the point where I lose this sense of optimism and all the things which make me feel positive about life. When this happens I know I need to pull myself out of it. I do so by calling friends and family. I force myself to the track to run or to play soccer. Slowly the optimism returns and I can sleep that night and wake up the next morning refreshed and believe that this day will be better than the day before and that I will accomplish all the things I need to accomplish.